The Curse of Narcissus

We’ve all heard the word ‘narcissist’ before. But most probably don’t know the story behind it. There are many variations, but it is generally about a vain boy who arrogantly rejected all the nymphs that fell in love with him. Upon hearing the prayers of the jilted nymphs, the avenging Goddess put a curse on Narcissus so that he would feel what it was like to love and receive no return of affection.

The resulting curse is very suggestive for our own times. Here is a description of Narcissus’ fate:

There was a clear fountain, with water like silver, to which the shepherds never drove their flocks, nor the mountain goats resorted, nor any of the beasts of the forests; neither was it defaced with fallen leaves or branches; but the grass grew fresh around it, and the rocks sheltered it from the sun.

Hither came one day the youth, fatigued with hunting, heated and thirsty. He stooped down to drink, and saw his own image in the water; he thought it was some beautiful water-spirit living in the fountain. He stood gazing with admiration at those bright eyes, those locks curled like the locks of Bacchus or Apollo, the rounded cheeks, the ivory neck, the parted lips, and the glow of health and exercise over all.

He fell in love with himself. He brought his lips near to take a kiss; he plunged his arms in to embrace the beloved object. It fled at the touch, but returned again after a moment and renewed the fascination. He could not tear himself away; he lost all thought of food or rest. while he hovered over the brink of the fountain gazing upon his own image. He talked with the supposed spirit: “Why, beautiful being, do you shun me? Surely my face is not one to repel you. The nymphs love me, and you yourself look not indifferent upon me. When I stretch forth my arms you do the same; and you smile upon me and answer my beckonings with the like.”

His tears fell into the water and disturbed the image. As he saw it depart, he exclaimed, “Stay, I entreat you! Let me at least gaze upon you, if I may not touch you.” With this, and much more of the same kind, he cherished the flame that consumed him, so that by degrees be lost his colour, his vigour, and the beauty which formerly had so charmed the nymph Echo.

The Gaze of Lust

Look at this image of Narcissus and the nymph Echo, who stayed at his side. She is looking at Narcissus, but Narcissus is not looking at her.  That is what is so tragic. Narcissus is too absorbed in the image reflected in the pool to look at Echo who is still looking longingly at him.

What a difference between those two gazes. The gaze of Echo at Narcissus, and the gaze of Naricssus at himself.

If Narcissus could look away from the image in the pool, he might catch Echo’s gaze, a real person of flesh and blood who offers him her love. But he is mesmerized by an image that only exists on the surface. An image that is full of poisonous charm, but has no actual depth, no reality.

Narcissus thinks that he is looking at another person, but he is only looking at himself. The apparent ‘Thou’ is merely a reflection of ‘I’.

Narcissus reaches out to grasp the illusionary ‘other’ but it disappears at his touch. The image shows its lack of reality in that moment, but it quickly returns, and Narcissus forgets again and again as he falls under its spell.

In fact, the image is so captivating that he imagines it is a Spirit of the water. How can Echo, mere flesh and blood, compete with an image of almost divine charm?

But the image is as empty as it is enchanting. The image is killing him. He is killing himself. He can’t help but ‘cherish the flame that consumes him’.

This curse describes very well the nature of lust, which is often focused literally on images today. But the ‘images’ are metaphorical as well, for even when the object of lust is another person of flesh and blood, it reduces them to something that has all of the characteristics of the image of Narcissus in the pool. In that respect lust is always staring at images (which reflect only ourselves).

The Gaze of Love

The gaze of echo, on the other hand, is the gaze of love.

Echo’s gaze truly reaches Narcissus. It is not a mirage. If Narcissus could just look up, he would find that Echo was no mere reflection of himself, she is not the face of his ego. She offers him a different kind of relationship, a different experience than the one he is trapped in. She offers something deeper, a more rewarding experience.  If he could gaze at her face, not his own, he might flourish instead of languishing.

To return Echo’s gaze would mean an entirely different kind of looking. To truly look at her and not himself, that would be the beginning of a more authentic love.

Narcissus looking into the pool is an image of desire detached from love and the destructive consequences that flow from that. The gaze of Echo is an invitation to Narcissus to love truly.

Sexual desire is not itself the object of the gaze, but is the gaze itself.  It does not look at itself, but is looking-at-each-other. It is looking along the beam.

We are Narcissus and Echo

Have we fallen into the same curse today? The pool of lust with its deadly images is all around us today, casting its spell on men and women.

Like Narcissus, we cherish so many illusions of love that turn out to be nothing more than our love of self. We say ‘Thou’ when what we secretly mean is ‘I’. We reach out to an ‘other’ which turns out to be a reflection of ourselves.

We live in a culture staring into the pool, mesmerized by images that appear to us like divine Spirits, preventing us from seeing the other person, of meeting the gaze of real flesh and blood in a real communion of love. And we even turn each other into images for our own pleasure.

We know the truth when we try to possess our illusions and they disappear from our grasp, but they keep returning and in our madness we keep letting them trick us.

The tragedy of Narcissus and Echo, the curse of unrequited love, is our own curse.

Until we realize the nature of this curse that is over us, we will forever be looking down into that pool, unable to look up into love’s waiting eyes.