To answer, we should ask if there is a mentality characteristic of those using contraception. A mentality that is different from those using NFP to accomplish the same goals.
Let’s try a little thought experiment. Let’s assume that there is no difference in environmental or health effects between NFP and contraception used for the identical purpose of avoiding pregnancy. Let’s also assume that the couple using NFP and the couple using contraception are both using their method for avoiding pregnancy for just reasons: another pregnancy would threaten the health of the Mother.
What would the difference in mentality be between the two couples? If you could avoid pregnancy for just reasons and never have to abstain from sex, why would anyone choose the more difficult path of self-denial and abstinence? What does each choice say about that person’s mentality and attitude? Anything at all?
Fertility in Fact vs. Fertility as Nature
I think the answer is that the couple using contraception display a certain utilitarian attitude towards fertility, while the couple using NFP show a more respectful and even reverential attitude with respect to their fertility. Why do I say that the contracepting couple has a utilitarian attitude towards fertility? I’ll try to explain.
Unless they actually wanted to get pregnant, the contracepting couple have no qualms about suppressing an otherwise fertile act which very well might lead to a pregnancy. They evidently don’t have much use for the fertile nature of the act they are engaging in outside of the possible consequences of the act. They seem to be saying: “Fertility is relevant only if we actually want a baby, otherwise it’s of no consequence to us.” The emphasis is on the consequences.
On the other hand, if we could read the mentality of the couple using NFP, it would seem to be saying: “Fertility still has an essential role to play for us even though we don’t desire the possible consequences of this act right now.” That’s why this couple will not suppress their fertility during those times when they know its probable that having sex will result in a pregnancy.
What Leads to New Life is Sacred
They would rather not do anything than to have sex at their fertility’s expense. They are not looking only to consequences, but also to the nature of the sexual act as an act that naturally leads to new life. Even though they don’t want the consequences of the act at this time, the nature of the act is still relevant and important to their sex life. It’s the nature of the act as a life-giving power that is still important even when they don’t desire the consequences of that life-giving power.
It’s the abstinence of the NFP couple—their unwillingness to tamper with that life-giving power—that reveals that unwillingness to reduce the significance of their fertility to a mere matter of consequence which they may or may not accept. Or rather, what is at stake is the very meaning and significance of fertility above and beyond its consequences.
To sum up the difference in mentality or attitude, one sees the fertile power of sex as sacred, while the other sees it merely profane.
Fertility is Part of Making Love
But what could it mean that the fertile nature of sex has a significance above and beyond the fact that it does or does not result in a baby as a matter of fact and at some point in time after the sexual union? This is the point as which sex starts to reveal its role as an expression, as a symbolic raw material for the use of a man and woman to say something to each other.
This leads us to a new realm of metaphors; that of music, song, and poetry.
But that will have to be the subject of another article.
I didn’t need any convincing that there is such a thing as a contraceptive mentality — to me that seems self-evident — but you’ve done a great job explaining/describing it here. Thanks for your great work!